This is kind of a personal question, but throw away your privacy for the good of the company: Exactly how many minutes did you spend in the loo during work yesterday?

CNN reports that the management at Ford Motor Co.’s Michigan Truck plant has released a memo declaring that too many of the factory’s workers are spending more than the 48 minutes allotted per shift in the lavatory. Direct quote from the memo:

In today’s competitive environment, it is important that Michigan Truck plant immediately address this concern to avoid the risks associated with safety, quality, delivery, cost and morale.

Delightful mental picture: Suit-clad Ford up-and-ups standing on alert at the door of the powder room, thumb poised on the stopwatch.

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What? You wonder what this has to do with the environment? Oh yes. According to the article, workers’ prolific excretion is slowing production of the Ford Expedition and Lincoln Navigator SUVs. Well, I think I speak for all enviros when I say, “Do not stop urinating, friends! Fight for your right to crap freely and often!”

Since greens get blamed for everything these days, I’ll keep an eye on the news for reports of environmentalists concocting intricate plans to widely distribute laxatives to Ford workers.

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And yes, it is impressive that I wrote this entire post without using the word “bathroom.” Thank you.