Oh no, there’s a dolphin stranded in the Gowanus Canal!

Get out of there, dolphin. You are not pollution. You are a dolphin.

We are generally happy to hear about dolphins in the vicinity of New York City, but like any tourist without city experience, they might do well to get a guidebook that will keep them out of rough areas. Because Brooklyn’s Gowanus Canal, which is a Superfund site, may be a perfectly hospitable environment for algae, microbes, plastic bags, and so forth, but it’s really no place for a dolphin. And yet, a dolphin is there.

Here’s video of authorities trying to rescue the poor thing:

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I suppose there’s an outside possibility that this is a hipster dolphin who’s just trying to go to the Bell House. In fact, we’re just going to tell ourselves that, and then go read this heartwarming dolphin rescue story, la la la la.

Update: Ugh, apparently the dolphin is injured and bleeding from its dorsal fin. :( :( :(

On the plus side, Twitter already suspended the inevitable @GowanusDolphin account. (Or more likely, whoever started it thought better of the whole idea. Nope, it was Twitter, good job Twitter.)

Also update: Apparently there’s been a swan swimming around in there too but nobody cared. Maybe because swans aren’t completely immersed in the water, maybe because they can fly away, maybe because swans are just good-looking dinosaurs with shitty attitudes.

Final update unfortunately: :( :( :( :( :(