Americans know what to do when it’s hotter than firecrotch out there: crank the AC and use more juice than ever before! We salute thee, supreme energy-suckers. Conservation be damned.
Drink. Lick. Stir. Repeat.
Beat the heat with a chill “Lollipoptail” — so named when Cynthia Nixon dipped an organic Pomegranate Pucker sucker into her drink. Pass the vanilla vodka, Cyn. Not that we’re lushes or anything. What? We’re not.
For this endless summer, swimming may be out, so how ’bout a spin on a solar-powered ferry instead? That’s how the Brits are beating their heat wave — well, that and the blood-flavored blocks of ice.
Tastes great, less grilling
Hey veggie-eaters: still hot under the collard after forcing us to eat crow? Here’s a little peas offering: yummy Veg Out restaurant guides, coming soon to a city near you.
Some like it hott
Have we mentioned our crush on Natalie Portman? We’ll say it again. Cute. As. A. Button. But a potato-sack dress? Tsk, tsk. Thankfully her vegan Mary Janes are hott, with two t’s.