Kill me. Just kill me.

Coal-to-liquids will emerge as a key player in a push by congressional Democrats next year for alternatives to foreign oil, two Washington energy analysts say in a report today.

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But CTL technologies that draw transportation fuels from coal reserves are expensive and have a mixed environmental record, so they will need "additional and substantial government subsidies," say Christine Tezak and K. Whitney Stanco of the Stanford Washington Research Group.

That "mixed environmental record" is actually an unmitigated disaster. But hey, at least we won’t be importing our environmental disaster from scary brown foreigners!

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Say it with me, kids: Coal is the enemy of the human race.