Original photo by Joel Telling.

Tommy Lee may specialize in loud music, amateur porn, and wearing eyeliner even though he’s almost 50, but he’s not a monster. He loves his animal brethren, and he would never torment them by forcing them to listen to the same music his human fans pay like $200 to hear live. That’s why he wrote a letter to the president of SeaWorld San Diego, asking him to stop using Mötley Crüe music at whale shows.

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Although we like to torture the human fans who willingly come to our shows, we don’t want to be a part of making innocent animals’ lives hellish. I’ve learned from my friends at PETA that these marine animals are very sensitive to sound, as they communicate by sonar, and loud noises mess with their most basic instincts and drive them more nuts than they already are when trapped in your tanks. Some experts say that a noise level of more than 70 decibels is considered too loud and nerve-racking for the animals. “Shamu Rocks” shows have reached 90 decibels.

Of course, 90 decibels is borderline dangerous for humans too, at least for prolonged periods. But at least the humans have inexplicably opted to listen to mega-loud Mötley Crüe. The whales don’t get the option, and studies have found that loud music really does stress them out. So Lee is standing up for the whales’ right to listen to Ingrid Michaelson or whatever it is that whales like.

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No word on whether he thinks it’s humane for whales to be exposed to his sex tape.