The people at Living Homes are totally lame and hypocritical for designing a modular LEED platinum house, but making it too big. And putting too much glass on it. The Prius is totally lame because it gets worse gas mileage than it says, and also because it’s not public transit. The Super Bowl is totally lame for offsetting all its carbon emissions in part by planting trees, which everybody knows aren’t going to solve global warming. Tesco is totally lame for labeling everything on its shelves with its carbon content, but not purchasing all its food locally.

Pretty much everybody is totally lame, including green bloggers who celebrate these things without noting how totally lame they are. Gullible Sellouts to The Man are totally lame. Really, the only people who aren’t totally lame are environmentalists, living in their 1,000-year-old, 12-square-foot Cape Cod cottages, wearing home-knit wool sweaters from the yarn of their back-yard alpacas, eating beets from their neighbor’s organic farm, walking everywhere they need to go except when using their one-gear bicycles, using no air conditioning or heating because their 12-square-foot cottages are heated by the warmth of their own exquisite, impeccable virtue, which is so hot and strong and bright it can be seen from $%@#! space. These environmentalists are totally free of even a touch of an echo of a hint of a tinge of a taint of hypocrisy, and the other 99.999% of the population deeply and sincerely admires them, but, as recent history amply demonstrates, would much prefer not to get stuck conversing with them, because even though they’re totally virtuous and not at all lame, listening to lectures from earnestly self-righteous wet blankets is like chewing on cardboard, and life is short, right?