News that Obama and McCain are meeting today, along with Obama chief of staff-pick Rahm Emanuel and Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), got me to thinking … what might that conversation be like?
Obama: John, thanks for meeting with me today.
McCain: My friend, it’s a real pleasure.
Obama: I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve invited Rahm and Lindsey to join us.
McCain: Not at all. Hello there, my friends.
Emanuel: John, this is important. Don’t fuck it up.
McCain: Thank you, my friend. That shouldn’t be a problem. I can’t remember the last time I fucked up something as big as … oh. Well. Thank you.
Graham: John, just like the white winged dove sings a song, sounds like she’s singing … Oh wait, I’m Lindsey Graham? I always think I’m Lindsey Buckingham.
McCain: I do too, Linds. Must be the hair.
Obama: Gentlemen, let’s get started, shall we? I was hoping we could spend the first few minutes talking about climate and energy. Because climate change has come to America.
Emanuel: Climate! Dead! Oil! Dead! American auto industry! Dead!
Obama: As my chief of stab so rightly puts it, we have some problems.
McCain: That we do, my friend. That we do. And as you know, I’ve long been a maverick on this issue, unafraid to stand alone.
Graham: You can go your own way. You can call it another lonely day.
Obama: That’s exactly why I’ve called you here, John. I was hoping you might be willing to serve as my Secretary of Climate Bills That Almost Pass. I think it’s going to be a busy few years in that department.
McCain: My friend, I’d be honored.
Obama: Great. And before we move on, I’d just like to thank you for being so gracious about my victory, John. I truly, deeply appreciate it.
McCain: My friend, my friend.
Graham: The landslide brought us down.