We wrote (and sang!) these climate apocalypse holiday carols just for you
Getting sick of all the holiday cheer? Want to stick it to your climate-change-denying relatives and celebrate our impending doom this season? The Grist Family Singers are here to help.
I know that we, at least, feel a little better now. Huge hat-tip to the talented Sam Bliss for these inspiring lyrics! And if you’re so inclined … raise a glass of egg nog and sing along:
Away in the Climate Apocalypse Future
Away in the future most species are dead
There’s still some poor humans, their hearts filled with dread
If typhoons and cyclones don’t blow them away
In simmering acidic seas they’ll decay.
Embattled descendents of ours will be baked
By scorching conditions caused by our mistakes
The droughts will be longer, wildfires will blaze
As biblical floods end humanity’s days.
Just kidding, some rich folks will surely survive
In small fortified city-islands they’ll thrive
Surrounded by hinterlands blistering dry
The wealthy will party while everyone fries.
Join us for round two:
Silent night, seems all right
Seas are calm, stars shine bright
Carbon spewing from smokestacks like wild
Just an illusion, this climate so mild
Sleep in ignorant peace
Sleep while there’s still peace.
Violent night, unholy night
All the world in climate fight
Round the earth, wars for water and food
Global warming’s left everyone screwed
As the temperatures increase
So much for future world peace.
Silent night, Coastal plight
Oceans rise to new heights
Island nations sink into the sea
No one welcomes climate refugees
Sleep if you can find peace
Most of your friends are deceased.