Mitt Romney’s got a solution to Republicans’ demographic woes. It’s not to embrace immigration reform, or stop putting misogynistic nut jobs on the ballot, or pursue economic policies that would benefit groups other than rich, old, white people.

Romney family portrait

Mitt knows whereof he speaks.

No, Mitt Romney’s big idea is that conservatives need to have more kids.

During a commencement address he gave this past weekend at Southern Virginia University, a predominately Mormon college, Romney urged new grads to get married young and start poppin’ ’em out.

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He wove his speech around a quote from Jesus in the New Testament — “Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets” — which he interpreted to mean that one should live a deep, meaningful life, not a shallow one.

How do you do that? Well, getting married is one way of launching into the deep. I’m so glad I found Ann when I was still so young. … Some people could get married but choose to take more time, they say, for themselves. Others plan to wait until they’re well into their 30s or 40s before they think about getting married. They’re going to miss so much of living, I’m afraid. …

Now, bringing children into the world is also launching into the deep. I had friends who weren’t sure they were going to have kids. They told me they were going to buy a dog first to see how that went. A dog!

(Shouldn’t he know not to make dog jokes?)

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Again from the Bible, “children are a heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. … Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”

And in conclusion, just in case anyone didn’t get the point:

If you meet a person you love, get married. Have a quiver full of kids if you can.

There you have it, Mitt’s wise advice for people launching into adulthood: Breed early and breed often. Hey, it worked for him.

As for how you’ll support all those kids in a stagnant economy rigged to benefit the wealthy, Romney had no advice. And as for how the planet might support all those kids in a time of climate chaos, dwindling freshwater, and pinched food supplies … come on, what are you worried about? Haven’t you heard of the Second Coming?

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