Someone stole a statue of the Lorax from Dr. Seuss’ estate. The sculpture, made by Dr. Seuss’ stepdaughter, weighs 300 pounds, so whoever stole it must have been really strong, brought friends, and really wanted the thing. The Los Angeles Times reports:

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The thief or thieves apparently rolled the statue and stump down a hill and into a getaway vehicle, according to the San Diego police.

Who would commit such a heinous crime? Here are our (very, very speculative) theories:

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  • Danny Devito, who identifies so strongly with the character that he couldn’t stand to be parted from the statue. With accomplice Rhea Perlman.
  • A Mazda executive, who’s certain the Lorax is haunting him for the car company’s desecration of everything the Lorax stands for.
  • David Roberts, in revenge for the “rainbow-barf monstrosity” that was the movie.
  • The Once-ler.

Who do you think took the statue?