1. Can you hot box in that thing?

    Willie Nelson’s on the road again … in a limited-edition “Willie’s Willys” pickup, which will run on pure BioWillie, natch. Just 500 of the re-created 1941 Willys hot rods were made — and one can be yours for the low, low price of $97,000. Willie’s BioWillie-run Willie’s Willys would appreciate you refraining from willy jokes. Thanks.

    Photo: Serious Wheels.

  2. Yearning to breathe free

    In a harsh blow to those who view renewable energy as an anti-American conspiracy run by communist pagan pedophile Hollywood atheist Jew Christmas-killers, the world’s foremost icon of Freedom© will now be run on wind power. We’re coming for you next, Rushmore.

    Photo: iStockphoto.

  3. You get a bulb! You get a bulb! You get a bulb!

    When grade-school teacher Mr. Luna came up with his “bright idea” to give every child in America a CFL, he turned to the world’s most powerful person for help. No, not Bono. The Big O! To help fight global warming, he’s asked her to buy 50 million kids a bulb each. And a pony.

  4. Funding mentalists

    Just before President Bush showed up at the National Renewable Energy Laboratory to tout his funding for alternative-energy research, the Energy Department scrambled to rehire 32 NREL employees fired earlier due to, um, Bush’s budget cuts. As aspiring satirists, we salute this administration. Well done, sirs.

  5. Drop it like it’s hot

    From the city that brought us Rice-A-Roni, cable cars, and Full House comes the latest in alternative energy: dog doo-doo. In an effort to be zero-waste by 2020, the hippie city is looking into the poo-tential of methane-generated electricity powered by poochie piles. No shit.