1. Can you hot box in that thing?

    Willie Nelson’s on the road again … in a limited-edition “Willie’s Willys” pickup, which will run on pure BioWillie, natch. Just 500 of the re-created 1941 Willys hot rods were made — and one can be yours for the low, low price of $97,000. Willie’s BioWillie-run Willie’s Willys would appreciate you refraining from willy jokes. Thanks.

    Photo: Serious Wheels.

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  2. Yearning to breathe free

    In a harsh blow to those who view renewable energy as an anti-American conspiracy run by communist pagan pedophile Hollywood atheist Jew Christmas-killers, the world’s foremost icon of Freedom© will now be run on wind power. We’re coming for you next, Rushmore.

    Photo: iStockphoto.

  3. You get a bulb! You get a bulb! You get a bulb!

    When grade-school teacher Mr. Luna came up with his “bright idea” to give every child in America a CFL, he turned to the world’s most powerful person for help. No, not Bono. The Big O! To help fight global warming, he’s asked her to buy 50 million kids a bulb each. And a pony.

  4. Funding mentalists

    Just before President Bush showed up at the National Renewable Energy Laboratory to tout his funding for alternative-energy research, the Energy Department scrambled to rehire 32 NREL employees fired earlier due to, um, Bush’s budget cuts. As aspiring satirists, we salute this administration. Well done, sirs.

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  5. Drop it like it’s hot

    From the city that brought us Rice-A-Roni, cable cars, and Full House comes the latest in alternative energy: dog doo-doo. In an effort to be zero-waste by 2020, the hippie city is looking into the poo-tential of methane-generated electricity powered by poochie piles. No shit.

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