Night rider.
David ShaleNight rider.

Global warming is posing a threat to a hirsute crab that was nicknamed “Hoff” due to its resemblance to David Hasselhoff’s forestlike chest, making the word “Baywatch” relevant for the first time in 20 years. Reports the L.A. Times:

The hairy-chested Yeti crab, which survives in an environment of no light, little oxygen, extreme temperatures and tremendous pressure, may not be able to survive a warming ocean, scientists say.

Oh interesting. A creature that lives in the dark and might be receiving little oxygen to the brain. Well, I’m glad they went with the “chest hair” resemblance, because that sounds nicer.

Rather than hunt for food in this harsh environment, the Hoff crab grows its own. It farms sulfur-oxidizing bacteria on the hairs of its chest and harvests it using a comb-like structure in its mouth.

That’s right. Hoff grows its food IN ITS CHEST HAIR. Why would we want this creature to vanish? Answer: WE DON’T. I can think of few better reasons to curtail emissions than “We gotta save the Hoff, man.”

Screen shot 2013-06-21 at (Jun 21)
Dorthe Jensen