You know what? Fine. Fucking fine. Do whatever you want. Cinnabon pizza? Sure. Pizza with crust made of hot dogs or cheeseburgers? Go nuts. Pizza-encrusted candy bars? Knock yourself out. Because now that I’ve seen Pizza Hut Singapore’s Double Sensation, a pizza so godawfully overdone that it’s actually topped with a cherry, I just cannot with you people and your hell-pizzas anymore.

For some reason that I profoundly hope will never be explained, this pizza is actually shaped like one of those chip plates with a dip bowl in the middle — there’s a walled-in area in the center, like a kind of cheese atrium. From what I’m seeing, it looks like that section has a different sauce and different toppings than the outer pizza, and … oh god … the little wall is stuffed with sausage? Pizza Hut Singapore, what did I ever do to you?

God, why am I even spending time trying to understand this pizza. It’s got lunch meats and zucchini on it. The outside is slashed like a Renaissance doublet so cheese can splurt out. THERE IS A CHERRY ON THE TOP I DID NOT MAKE THAT PART UP. It is honestly futile to try to comprehend it. We must simply accept it and move on.