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Lautner Farms

The fluffy cow above isn’t just any cow. It’s a show calf, one of the Honey Boo Boos of the bovine world. (Honey Moo Moo?) It doesn’t get that fluffy by accident or by nature. It’s coddled, primped, and trotted out to impress the world.

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Cattle farming is an awfully energy-hogging enterprise to do just for show. But, dear god, these cows are so damn fluffy, they look like you could take them to bed and cuddle with them like a stuffed animal. How can we deny those cuddly bovine butts?

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Lautner Farm

Oddity Central explains:

These cows don’t belong to any particular breed. They are show calves, a cross between two different high-quality breeds, bred for bovine show-business. That means that apart from their genetic characteristics, owners go out of their way to make sure the cows look their best. … Just think of them as girls, but with their very own conditioners, hair sprays and lotions.

A spokesperson for the farm to which some of these fluffy cattle belong detailed the process, which sounds just as work-intensive as a beauty pageant:

“It’s a lot of hard work to get the cows to be as beautiful as they appear in the pictures,” Steck said. “Exhibitors have to break them and train them and feed them and blow-dry them and put sheen in their hair.

“It’s similar to humans waking up and taking a shower and getting ready for the day,” she said. … “Just on show day there’s a two-hour preparation time before hitting the ring,” she said. “The cows get oils in their hair to make them shine and adhesive hair spray on their legs to keep their hair in place.”

But do they offer life advice like this?