Come skinnydipping with meeeee!
Kit-Kath Halkett
Come skinny dipping with meeeee!

The pacu is a relative of the piranha that usually hangs out in South American waters. Except some bored exotic fish collector dumped one in the waters between Denmark and Sweden, where a fisher discovered it. (This happened last summer in Illinois too.) Nobody would care, except this fish IS KNOWN FOR EATING BALLS. The pacu typically eats seeds and nuts with hard shells; they’re literally nutcrackers. Unfortunately that includes the “testicle” type of nut as well.

As fish expert Henrik Carl told Sweden’s The Local:

[T]here have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea, where some men have had their testicles bitten off … [The fish] bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth.

… It normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.

Stifle your chortles: Ball loss could be life and death. Two men who were teabagged by a pacu in Papua New Guinea died because they lost so much blood. So keep your testicles in the upright and locked position inside your Speedo, and stay away from exotic fish.