Reading Grist on the ivory throne? Honestly, I don’t really want to know the answer to that — but if so, I have some crappily timed news. As a person who’s partial to things like the planet and/or democracy, you’re likely worried about the Koch brothers’ plan to spend $889 million on the 2016 elections. Charles and David Koch’s many business endeavors have made them obscenely rich — and obscenely influential in American politics.

As Larry Wilmore points out on the (excellent) Nightly Show, you might be contributing to the Kochs’ mountain of money without even knowing it — which brings us back to the toilet. Calmly and quietly take a gander at the paper roll. If you use Soft ‘n Gentle, Quilted Northern, Angel Soft, Brawny, or repurposed American Greeting Christmas cards to wipe (way to recycle, by the way!), you’re handing money to the Koch machine. Thanks for shitting on America!