Books and computerIf you’ve ever wondered how Grist’s famous (and mysterious) pun machine works, wonder a little less. We present you with a glimpse into its inner workings: a list of rejected punny headlines scooped up from the last week’s digital cutting room floor. Please, enjoy the witticisms and groan at the miss-icisms.

Story: James Cameron: I’m the greenest director of all time!

Titanic balls
Titanic ego
Winner: Opening Pandora’s box office

Story: Common weed killer chemically castrates frogs, study finds

Ampheminist revolution
No balls in his court
Weed whack her
You’ve got (no) male
My chemical romance
Chemical attraction
Winner: The wrong kind of chemistry

Story: The latest musical trend is annoying the Senate into climate action

It’s the E.N.D. of the world as we know it
Tonight’s gonna be a good fight
I’ve gotta feeling
Face the music
Winner: Democra-peas

Story: British scientist in climate controversy admits emails were ‘awful’

Hit unsend
Discard draft
But not (unl)awful?
Electronic disappointment
Winner: Electric slide into infamy

Story: Garden Girl TV: indoor gardening, part three

Hour of power tools
Start your power tool engines
Tool time
Winner: Drill baby drill

Story: Fifteen states have polluter-driven resolutions to deny climate threat

Dirty state of affairs
State of change
Winner: Legis-hating change

Story: Peepoo bags help the developing world take off a load

A quick and feces solution
Feces to fix
Dropping off the kids at the Peepool
A load of crap
Unloading excess baggage
Making the biodegrade
Peepoo de toilet
Winner: Fecal matters

Story: Tech startup’s pollution detector aids enviro justice group

Drive by methane
Drive by polluting
Drive by justice
Track test
Action tracked
Breathe analyzer
Google fracks
Breath analyzer
Winner: Frackin’ busted

Story: Is ‘Birdemic’ the best/worst apocalyptic thriller of all time?

There is no cure
Birds on the brain
Bird brained
Terror in the flight
Flock you
Birds of a feather flock things up
Winner: Flocked up