UPDATE: This is an April Fools' Day post, entirely made up. To the best of our knowledge, your ovaries are blissfully unaware of climate chaos.

Mmm, nothing like some hot scrambled huevos: A new report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention details rising infertility rates in America — and, for the first time, cites global warming as one potential culprit. The report, released earlier this week, says that 17 percent of couples in the U.S. are experiencing difficulty bearing fruit — a 5 percent jump from 2005. Airborne toxins and even Old Spice body wash have previously been linked to lower fertility, but climate change is a new one. The report says that rising global temperatures, and extreme temperatures in particular, seem to be affecting women's body chemistry in poorly understood ways, thus hampering their ability to conceive and carry a baby to term. It's a controversial theory sure to inspire lots more research and provoke plenty of criticism.

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Some environmentalists and population activists are heralding the findings as good news, pointing out that with the global population poised to hit 7 billion this fall, there are plenty of us around already. "Gaia strikes back!" reads the headline of a post on the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement website. Population blogger Sarah Treehorn strikes a more moderate tone: "While I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, maybe this report will raise awareness that we can't keep treating the planet like our giant trash can. What you do to the earth, you do to your ovaries."

Infertile or not, any nasty action should be done safely. And you can take that to the sperm bank.

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