I've noticed that I have zero posts in my Twitter feed about how awesomesauce the royal wedding is, and 2930820385 about how nobody else will shut up re: the royal wedding and its awesomeness. But clearly somebody somewhere is into this, so okay, this one's for you: Looks like Prince Harry and Princess Hermione, or whoever, are taking steps to turn their wedding from a completely over-the-top exercise in overconsumption to an eco-completely-over-the-top exercise in overconsumption.

Here's how the royals are going to avoid doing to the environment what they did to their colonies:

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  • Printing documents — which undoubtedly include 8735802 multi-part invitations and probably programs, like, who really needs a program for a wedding? There aren't understudies — on recycled paper.
  • "Using FSC-certified wood and scaffolding in the building of the media stands," which I don't even know what this means, we didn't have "media stands" at my wedding and I'm pretty sure you can get married without them.
  • Offsetting the carbon emissions of the wedding. No word on the carbon emissions of the international guests' travel, or the shipping of several squillion "William and Kate" commemorative figurines/salt shakers/tea sets/condoms (okay, I do know their names; I read them off the box of condoms, which I am not making up).
  • Feeding sustainably sourced food to their 1,500 guests. I know it looks like I just banged on the keyboard again but this is the first number I haven't made up. One thousand five hundred, really. Anyway, they'll probably get local salmon or something. "Local" as in "from Scotland," but at least it only had to drive to London, not cross any water. Salmon has a tough time with that.
  • "The carriage will obviously be carbon-friendly, although they'll also be using Rolls-Royce." Direct quote.

London's still going to be wreathed in smog from the thousands of visitors popping by to pay their respects, and hemorrhaging energy from all the TVs recording every second of the spectacle, but hey: Recycled invites!

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