You know how people say Americans are gross? Americans are gross. An average one of us eats 42 pounds of high-fructose corn syrup each year. GOOD points out that that's the same weight as six newborn babies (Austin Powers was prescient).

I think at this point, we all know corn syrup is bad, even when it's called "corn sugar." But it sneaks into everything. That bag of sliced bread I bought at the store yesterday? Corn syrup. That tonic water I mixed with gin this past weekend? Corn syrup. And while it's all well and good to intend to eat non-processed food, sometimes you just want to mix a drink without hunting around for artisanal tonic water, which, yes, exists.