OK, we don’t want to be accused of shilling for AXE deodorant, which is responsible for as much air pollution as coal and oil combined, at least in the vicinity of college campuses. But we could not ignore the fact that they’re holding a competition for First Douche in Space. Does this mean that when we finally abandon this failing planet and flee to our vegetarian space colonies, we could find them already inhabited by handsy dudebros picking out “Redemption Song” on their acoustic guitars?

AXE will send the 22 winners of its Spacebro competition on a suborbital flight, one at a time because otherwise they’ll never get the stink out of the rocket’s upholstery. It’s a sort of cross-promotion with these Lynx private space-planes, which will be launching space-cruises from the Caribbean for $95,000 each starting in 2014. AXE in Great Britain and elsewhere is called Lynx, so I guess that’s why they thought to team up, though it could also be because the only thing worse for the atmosphere than AXE is private spaceflight.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

The 22 lucky dudes won’t actually reach escape velocity, so we probably don’t have to worry about a solar system populated by horny college juniors. But given the number of applications AXE has received, it does seem like a lot of these guys really have the spaceflight bug. Which is the best reason yet for saving the Earth — once we’re done, we can launch another “competition,” send them all off in a space ark, and keep our newly pristine planet for ourselves.