Warning: Trivial content ahead. Do not read if you are seeking the latest developments regarding carbon taxes, coal, or cap and trade.

My quest for a suitable hand soap has become somewhat epic in scope. Said soap must meet several criteria: a) an ingredient list that doesn’t make me squirm; b) a reasonable price point; c) a scent that doesn’t make my fella wince.

More often than not, my quest is shelved by the logistical hiccup known as “we ran out of soap” — in which case I end up at the local grocery store, scouring labels and sniffing scents and getting frustrated and generally looking like a crazy old soap lady.

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The other day I bought a “soothing aloe vera” hand soap, which I’d deemed the least offensive of those on offer. But! I had failed in my label-scouring, for I did not notice until I got home the following words on the back: “Avoid contact with eyes. In case of contact, flush with water.”

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Are you frothing serious? It’s soap. I mean, I guess I should be glad they’re acknowledging that their product is full of caustic chemicals, instead of just slipping them in unnoticed. But come on. Isn’t it well past time for someone to get a handle on the evil ways of the “health” and beauty industry?

I have nothing profound to say. It just pisses me off. I bought a new soap, but I’ve left this one on my sink just so I can shake my head and mutter each time I wash up. Crazy old soap lady indeed.