A while back, certain … sources of mine in Tennessee (hi Amanda!) let me in on what was back then still a quiet rumor: a Republican savior is on the way.
Soon to be riding to the rescue of downtrodden Republicans, burdened with a weak field of presidential candidates, is Fred Thompson, lawyer, actor, and former U.S. Senator from Tenn. He is the silver bullet Republicans have been waiting for — smart, folksy, hawkish, impeccably conservative, morally upright, and reassuring in a Reaganesque way. Just what the doctor ordered.
Since then (damn my procrastination!) the rumor has been publicly aired all over the place. So I got to wondering what record if any Thompson might have on environmental issues, specifically global warming.
I found … this. Not promising.
Then again, there is this:
Ranking Member Fred Thompson (R-TN) added opening remarks that applauded the President’s rejection of Kyoto due to the unfair and expensive limits placed on the US. Thompson did state, however, that he was in favor of meeting the requirements set out by the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC).
- Voted YES on drilling ANWR on national security grounds. (Apr 2002)
- Voted YES on terminating CAFE standards within 15 months. (Mar 2002)
- Voted YES on preserving budget for ANWR oil drilling. (Apr 2000)
- Voted NO on ending discussion of CAFE fuel efficiency standards. (Sep 1999)
- Voted YES on defunding renewable and solar energy. (Jun 1999)
- Voted YES on approving a nuclear waste repository. (Apr 1997)
Anybody know more? Perhaps I’ll give the man a call.
In other news, this is pretty damn funny :
AWESOME FACTS ABOUT FRED THOMPSON
* Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced “nuclear” correctly.
* Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.
* The masked executioner of Saddam Hussein: Fred Thompson.
* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.
* Fred Thompson is the only person to have ever bested Miyamato Mushashi in a duel. The reason Musashi is so vague about the book of the void is because the fifth ring of combat is really Fred Thompson.
* The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.
* Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.
* Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore’s Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate’s carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.
* The Fremen consider “Fred Thompson” a killing word.
* Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. They’re still counting the dead.
* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.
* Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals.
* Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.
* The actual cause of global warming: Fred Thompson’s burning rage.
* The budget to Law & Order was dramatically increased when Fred Thompson was added to the cast because he has to be digitally inserted into the scenes since anytime he’s near Hollywood liberals, he kills them.
* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.
* Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.
* Scientists predict that when Fred Thompson dies he’ll explode taking out the five nearest planets before collapsing into a black hole.
* At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson’s leg. That breed of dog no longer exists.
* Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.
* If you purchase a weather radio, it will wake you up with an alarm to warn you when Fred Thompson is pissed off.
* An abortion doctor tried to kill Fred Thompson when he was still in the womb, but he cut off the man’s hand with scalpel while shouting, “Do you know who I am? I’m Fred Thompson!”
* Webster’s Dictionary defines “conservatism” as “how closely one’s views resemble those of Fred Thompson.”
* Fred Thompson’s sense of strategy is so great that he can checkmate you using only a pawn and a knight.
* Fred Thompson can know both the exact position and momentum of a particle. Furthermore, he knows Schroedinger’s cat is dead because he personally strangled it.
* The most efficient airline security is to have Fred Thompson stare down everyone entering a plane.
* When terrorists get to the afterlife, they’ll find that none of their seventy-two women are still virgins. Why? Because of Fred Thompson.
* Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.
* In a butterfly ballot, no matter where you punch it the vote goes to Fred Thompson.
* Why does Iran want nuclear weapons? Out of fear of Fred Thompson.
* Some versions of the Bible have Mathew 5:5 read, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth… unless Fred Thompson wants it.”