TOTO, a toilet manufacturer that makes awesome high-tech toilets that wash your butt and stuff, and toto, which runs sports-based lotteries in Japan (which do not wash your butt), have teamed up to make a goalkeeping toilet. This is supposed to highlight their efforts to go green. Because when you think “environmentally friendly,” you think “soccer-playing toilet.”

Now, what the goalkeeping toilet does is fend off balls. It wouldn’t be a very good goalkeeper if it didn’t. But, uh, it wouldn’t be a very good toilet if it did, if you get my drift.

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Presumably you’d like to know HOW it fends off balls? There are two cameras mounted on either side of the toilet. These cameras quickly calculate the coming ball’s speed and trajectory, and then a smaller ball shoots out from the toilet and knocks the other ball away. Bam!

Clearly, this device and its actions combine to create a wonderful image/metaphor for these two organizations’ efforts to go green. Wait. No. That’s just totally weird. A goalkeeping toilet says nothing about anything. They might as well have made a giant, shitting Godzilla and said, oh, this shows how we want to go green. Actually, that would be great. Do that next, guys!

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