Photo by Arvydas Simbelis.

A beekeeper near Vancouver has reported the loss of 8,000 pounds of honey and 500,000 bees from one of his apiaries. Why would someone steal half a million bees? And how? Urban beekeeping is pretty hip right now so it’s the “how” we’re really stuck on.

Here are our best theories:

  • Filled beekeeper suits with bees instead of people, then walked out with them Weekend at Bernie’s-style. (Bonus: You can use the HOV lane.)
  • Pied Pipered them out by playing Blind Melon’s “No Rain.”
  • Walked in wearing 500,000 bonnets.
  • Built entire working van out of bees, then drove it to L.A.
  • Half a million fly costumes.
  • Told them it was Support Chick-fil-A Day (bees are notorious bigots).
  • Painted them white, tied them in a cluster, and told people it was a cloud.
  • Flowers, stick, string, REALLY REALLY BIG BOX.

It’s also possible that the bees weren’t the object of the theft at all, and the farmer just had the lack of foresight to set up a security system based on dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you.

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