On the afternoon of Friday, Dec. 2, a number of suspicious wagers, originating primarily from New York and New Jersey, were posted on Mother Nature to be named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2005. — PR Newswire
OK, I admit it. I was the one who placed those suspicious wagers on Mother Nature to win. I also bet on Father Time to show … but you notice that didn’t make the news. Is there something so wrong with an old man exposing himself?
Anyway, I digress. This weekend, the winner of Time‘s legendary honor will finally be announced, so I figured it’s time to come clean.
Yes, I was in a gambling mood that Friday, flush from a long week of editing, head spinning from intense last-minute fact-checking, pockets fat with my nonprofit paycheck. I started to head for the track, and then thought bettor of it. Enter Google, enter online betting, and enter Mother Nature.
There she was, with her purple mountains and amber waves, standing tall amidst a mind-boggling lineup of sports events and oil-price contests. She looked fruited, not plain. It was a rare chance to use nature for profit, and it was too good to be true.
I put my money down.
Suspicious? I didn’t think so. After all, she was the obvious choice. Who else deserves person of the year but the clichéd embodiment of a vast, abstract concept? If it worked for Bill Clinton, I thought, it would work for her.
Besides, I figured she’d be a shoe-in just because of the cover girl who might portray her: Bea Arthur. (Mauder Nature? Now we’re talking.)
But someone, somewhere, found my method, well, odd. They pulled the plug. And that’s $23.75 I can never get back.
Wow, that feels better.
If nothing else, I hope this little scandal has drawn attention away from some of Time‘s other nominees: Sister Scientology, Aunt Ethics Scandal, and Sean Preston Spears Federline.
What a year! So many choices! But as NBC news anchor Brian Williams pointed out, Mother Nature is the only one who showed us her “edge.” Which makes her the clear winner, in my bookie.