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TIME person(s) of the year

Turns out Mother Nature is not, in fact, TIME's Person of the Year, as was rumored.

Instead, the honor goes to Bill and Melinda Gates and ... Bono.

Everything you ever wanted to know

"Very Important Things I Learned About Mistletoe from the U.S. Geological Survey, Which Knows All Kinds Of Things Not Only About The Earth's Crust, As Their Name Would Suggest, But Holiday Flora As Well":

• American mistletoe, the type that invariably leads to smooching and should be avoided at office holiday parties at all cost, grows in the United States from New Jersey to Florida and west through Texas. Interestingly, the majority of the U.S. population is in that region. This only makes sense, because higher population means there have been more babies, which means there's been more ... kissing, which is because they're simply drowning in mistletoe. Maybe I should move.
• The dwarf mistletoe (which is smaller than the American mistletoe, leading to less kissing) will randomly shoot seeds out of its berries, to a distance of up to 50 feet! Wow!
• "Mistletoe" means "dung on a twig." How romantic.
• Mistletoe is poisonous to people. I imagine the thought process of the early what-do-we-do-with-mistletoe deciders was along the lines of, "Well, we can't eat it ... really, what else to do but hang it up and kiss under it!"
• One of the names on the USGS article is Todd Esque. Huh. That's very toddesque.
• And the most important thing you will learn about mistletoe this holiday season (drumroll please): Mistletoe is an endangered species! Okay, only 20 out of 1,300 species are, but still. So no matter how desperate you are, I have to advise against trundling out into the woods, tearing mistletoe off of the trees, and bringing it home by the armful, in hopes that Saint Nick will send his young, attractive assistant down the chimney this year. (Or better yet, a UPS carrier just for you. Yum.)

With this sad news, I think it's time to retire the poor mistletoe from its job as kiss-inducer and leave it to its other job of strangling conifers. The new holiday plant o' love should be ... the Bartlett pear. Take that, East Coast! Gristmill readers, you have my leave to kiss strangers whenever there are pears nearby. Consult a partridge as to the whereabouts of the nearest pear tree.

Will Washington state take on Big Oil?

The front-page story for the Seattle Weekly tells us that Washington State is going to take on Big Oil and that:

The sexy star of the industry is biodiesel. Although there is only one biodiesel refinery in the state, which employs 12 people, and no biodiesel crops are grown commercially in Washington, biodiesel has captured the media's, the public's, and the politicians' imaginations.

Part of the plan includes a new law that will require the use of up to 10 percent biofuels to run vehicles in the state. This reminds me of how the old Soviet Union ran its economy (into the ground). "You will produce and buy whatever the state tells you to produce and buy regardless of cost because we know what is best for you. The free market is for capitalist pigs." Nevermind that much of this biofuel will eventually be coming from big oil, or at least its equivalent. Turns out that Shell Oil has invested in a company building a cellulosic ethanol plant just one state over.

Has Shell invested in ethanol to save the planet or to capitalize on the money to be made when a state mandates usage of a given product regardless of cost, insuring a captive market for that product? I wonder.

Will Mother Nature beat the odds?

On the afternoon of Friday, Dec. 2, a number of suspicious wagers, originating primarily from New York and New Jersey, were posted on Mother Nature to be named Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2005. -- PR Newswire

OK, I admit it. I was the one who placed those suspicious wagers on Mother Nature to win. I also bet on Father Time to show ... but you notice that didn't make the news. Is there something so wrong with an old man exposing himself?

Anyway, I digress. This weekend, the winner of Time's legendary honor will finally be announced, so I figured it's time to come clean.

Readers talk back about Montreal, nuclear power, holiday lights, and more

  Re: All This Aggravation Ain’t Satisfactionin’ Us Dear Editor: For the first time ever, you got a story completely wrong. Environmental groups just won a huge victory at the 11th Conference of the Parties to the Framework Convention on Climate Change and first meeting of Kyoto Protocol Parties in Montreal. You missed it. “Plenty […]

Kids in the Holiday

Grist takes a winter break You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, we’re telling you why: Grist ain’t gonna be in your inbox for the next two weeks. Yes, even environmental journalists like to kick back with a cup of eggnog once in a while, and that once in a […]

Polar Distress

Enviro groups sue to get species-act protection for polar bears This week’s news about drowning polar bears got you all riled up? You’re not the only one. Yesterday, three green groups sued in federal court to force the Bush administration to consider listing the bears as threatened under the Endangered Species Act. Greenpeace, the Center […]

Meatrix 2

is coming ...

An escaped prisoner’s natural inclinations

A while back, we ran an article on the prison-environment connection. I was reminded of it today when reading an interview with Charles Thompson about his escape last month from a Texas jail. This was the first quote from the death-row inmate: "I got to smell the trees, feel the wind in my hair, grass under my feet, see the stars at night. It took me straight back to childhood being outside on a summer night."

Blood for oil?

The price of gas too much for you? Donate some blood and get a $5 gift card from ExxonMobil.

(Via BB)