Photo by Chris Van Wyk.

This turtle, native to the Mary River in Queensland, Australia, is dealing with endangerment in much the same way I dealt with adolescence: He’s gone punk. The green hair, the mohawk, the nose ring (or actually it’s more of a Monroe), the chin studs — this guy obviously plays drums in an underwater band called Dead Haddock or Squidfucker or something.

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Photo by Chris Van Wyk.

I tried to get in touch with photographer Chris Van Wyk to find out more about this guy (main question that springs to mind: “Is it real??”), but his email bounced. I did find another Mary River turtle with moss growing on it, though — although this one’s dressed more like an island and less like that one guy from SLC Punk — so that makes it seem kinda plausible. So, because I like to be happy, I’m going to continue assuming that every natural waterway is potentially hiding a chelonian hardcore band.

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“Bitch please, I am one of a kind.” (Photo by Chris Van Wyk.)