Photo by Chris Van Wyk.

This turtle, native to the Mary River in Queensland, Australia, is dealing with endangerment in much the same way I dealt with adolescence: He’s gone punk. The green hair, the mohawk, the nose ring (or actually it’s more of a Monroe), the chin studs — this guy obviously plays drums in an underwater band called Dead Haddock or Squidfucker or something.

Grist relies on the support of generous readers like you. Donate today to keep our climate news free. All donations matched!

Photo by Chris Van Wyk.

I tried to get in touch with photographer Chris Van Wyk to find out more about this guy (main question that springs to mind: “Is it real??”), but his email bounced. I did find another Mary River turtle with moss growing on it, though — although this one’s dressed more like an island and less like that one guy from SLC Punk — so that makes it seem kinda plausible. So, because I like to be happy, I’m going to continue assuming that every natural waterway is potentially hiding a chelonian hardcore band.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

“Bitch please, I am one of a kind.” (Photo by Chris Van Wyk.)