1. Attention tree huggers

    Barking up the wrong tree when it comes to your love life? Branch out with DateforTrees.com, which donates an evergreen for every month you’re a hopeless loser paid member. Just lay off the acorny openers.

  2. Dropping the ball

    To protect a major reservoir from dangerous chemical reactions, L.A. water officials are going balls out. Quite literally, actually — covering the water’s surface with 400,000 bouncy black balls. Hee hee, they said balls.

    Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times

  3. Clutter: fuck

    While we admire the folks paring down their worldly possessions as part of the 100 Thing Challenge, we’re fairly certain we won’t be joining them any time soon. Unless, of course, “shoe collection” counts as one thing.

  4. Starbuck the trend

    When it comes to litter, it’s best to bite the hand that leaves ya … but if you can’t find that person, look up the corporate HQ and write a strongly worded letter.

  5. Wallaby darned

    On Aussie timber farms, curiosity is killing the marsupials. But researchers have recently found that the possums, wallabies, and kangaroos are deterred by the scent of faux dingo wee. That’s right, Kanga, the dingo saved your baby.