Mother Jones editors admit that sometimes, maybe, readers might catch them “posting scary stories about how your consumer choices are ruining everything.” We do our fair share of this at Grist, as well, and so it is with particular glee that we share with you MoJo’s Eco-Doom Headline Generator, for all your climate apocalypse headline needs.

Our favorites so far:

Your support powers solutions-focused climate reporting — keeping it free for everyone. All donations DOUBLED for a limited time. Give now in under 45 seconds.
Secure · Tax deductible · Takes 45 Seconds

Stories like this don’t tell themselves.

Make others like it possible. Your support powers solutions-focused climate reporting — keeping it free for everyone. Give now in under 45 seconds.
Secure · Tax deductible · Takes 45 Seconds
  • Did the Captain of Larry Ellison’s Yacht Once Harm This Tiny Baby Octopus?
  • Will Chickens Give Your Kids Cancer?
  • Did Eric Cantor Just Decimate the Everglades?
  • Does Friending Your Exes Unfairly Malign Organic Tomatoes?
  • Is TEDx Secretly Harming Newborn Babies?

We’ll let you in on a little secret: One of these is actually a real story! (Take a guess which one.)

There’s no way we can top these headlines, so we’ll just be over here, clicking away.

To support our nonprofit environmental journalism, please consider disabling your ad-blocker to allow ads on Grist. Here's How

(P.S. Cancer chickens are real.)