In New York City, at least, pedestrians get kind of huffy sometimes about cyclists when they don’t follow rules both written and unwritten. But pedestrians should not be the ones to cast the first stone. Not only do they cross when the light is against them — which, like cyclists running through red lights, is convenient but illegal — they constantly violate the unwritten rules of the street.

Cory Bortnicker, comedy writer, and Andy Jimison, illustrator, have created a psychic salve for those bothered by these latter transgressions. Their pedestrian penalty cards — available for download at the low price of $1 for all 14 — give city dwellers a passive-aggressive tool to tell other pedestrians exactly how disgustingly awful their behavior is.

Violations clock in from 4.3 to 9.7 on a 10 point scale. On one end of the spectrum, you’re a pigeon.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

On the other end of the spectrum, you’re one of those fools who cannot take an escalator properly.

We’re not particularly fond of this endorsement of street harassment — “walking while gorgeous” seems like less of a problem than “making a person feel uncomfortable for walking down the street while in possession of breasts.” But this card perfectly encapsulates our feelings about people and their stupidly big umbrellas. It’s barely raining! Put that thing away!

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

Reader support helps sustain our work. Donate today to keep our climate news free. All donations DOUBLED!