When it’s really hot and dry out, cows stay near the barn. When cows stay near the barn, they do not poop in open fields. When cows don’t poop in open fields, those fields don’t get full of dried-out manure chips. When the fields don’t get full of dried-out manure chips, people have nothing to throw at cow-chip-throwing contests. And that, my friend, is a tragedy.
The Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival is set to have 300 chip-throwing competitors this year, but organizers have only collected 200 to 300 chips, a third of the usual amount. That means they’re having to release chips from the Strategic Manure Reserve in order to meet demand. They can get another 150 to 200 that way, but reserve stocks will be depleted — if the summer of 2013 is another hot one, they’ll be shit (if you will) outta luck.
This means it’s possible that climate change will eventually destroy the sport (?) of cow-chip throwing for good. Competitors currently throw for distance (record: 248 feet!), but for symbolism’s sake they should probably switch to aiming for a fan.