Yesterday, we wrote about Tropical Storm Sandy, making jokes about a European agency that wrote with tangible agitation about “THE STORM’S MENACE- A POWERHOUSE CAPABLE OF WHIPPING THE ATLANTIC INTO A FRENZY AND CHURNING UP DANGEROUS TIDES.” Caps in the original, of course.

We laughed it off. LOL, wacky Europeans. This thing is headed out to sea! All this talk about it being a “billion dollar” storm, or a “snor’eastercane” (snow + nor’easter + hurricane), was unwarranted!

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Well, yesterday, it became a hurricane. And this morning, NOAA updated its forecast track.

Oh God oh God oh God

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Oops.

For those of you not up on your U.S. geography, that thing is headed for what we like to call the “metro New York region,” a place where “your humble author, me” lives. Point being that I may be slow in posting articles on Tuesday morning, since I’ll be killed to death.

When Hurricane Irene was bearing down on New York City in August of 2011, some people predicted that it could cause billions of dollars in damage. And that was just a hurricane — a giant hurricane, but still, a hurricane. This guy (well, girl; despite “Sandy” being pretty gender-neutral, the World Meteorological Organization alternates gender and Sandy comes between Rafael and Tony) is a hurricane (or, maybe by then a tropical storm again) plus some snow plus a nor’easter!

I guess what I’m trying to say is: MENACE! POWERHOUSE! FRENZY! OOH LA LA!

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And also: Please tell my mother I love her.

Update: Now the National Weather Service is getting in on the terror.

THE HIGH DEGREE OF BLOCKING FROM EASTERN NORTH AMERICA ACROSS THE ENTIRE ATLANTIC BASIN IS EXPECTED TO ALLOW THIS UNUSUAL MERGER TO TAKE PLACE, AND ONCE THE COMBINED GYRE MATERIALIZES, IT SHOULD SETTLE BACK TOWARD THE INTERIOR NORTHEAST THROUGH HALLOWEEN, INVITING PERHAPS A GHOULISH NICKNAME FOR THE CYCLONE ALONG THE LINES OF “FRANKENSTORM”, AN ALLUSION TO MARY SHELLEY’S GOTHIC CREATURE OF SYNTHESIZED ELEMENTS.

Ok, first? The explanation of “Frankenstorm” was unnecessary. And, second, “Snor’eastercane” is a much better name.