Tip #1: Make every day Earth Day by killing the vampires. Our advice queen Umbra Fisk tells you how to cut your spending on electricity in this recent video. Less energy use = less coal and natural gas burned to produce electricity.

Why does Grist hate Earth Day, you may be wondering? Are you guys jealous or something?

No … yes … not really … then again, sorta. You see, every year as the calendar approaches April 22, the Grist staff gets cranky.

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“Here it comes,” we say to ourselves, “the day we’re supposed to do something GREEN and appreciate all the attention that this made-up holiday brings to Grist and every other environmental organization and cause under the sun.”

And then there’s all those people who get to take credit for being green for one day and we’re all supposed to be happy about it. Hypocrites!

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Earth Day, then, is sort of like Christmas, Hannukah and Kwanzaa all in one: We Gristers love to talk about hating it, we say we’re only doing it for the kids, but in the end we grudgingly have to admit that we had fun, at least until crazy Uncle Ray started talking about the ozone layer being a myth…

Screw Earth Day was born from mixed emotions about a day that we purists think doesn’t do enough to get the message across about what individuals can and should be doing to protect the environment. While even the most jaded Grist staffer gets a little excited on Earth Day, as lots and lots of people gather together in communities around the world to do something good for our dearly loved Mother Nature, in the back of our heads we’re thinking, “It’s not about a single day, dude, it’s about living green every day.”

Every day is April 22 in Gristland! Really. And we want you and your friends and family (even crazy Uncle Ray) to sign up for the cause as well. We’re not hyperventilating when we say that the fate of the planet is in the balance here, really.

Here is Umbra’s video advice on vampire-slaying. Check back Monday for a new Screw Earth Day tip … straight from the Grist vault. Even more tips with our free book giveaway.