Canned unicorn meat “Crunchy horn bits in every bite!”Photo: ThinkGeek

Remember the sloppy public relations job the National Pork Board did in response to canned unicorn, “the new white meat”? Well, this prodded ThinkGeek, the original purveyers of premium Canned Unicorn Meat, to keep hamming up this protein-rich pretend product and release the “real” deal, just in time for Thanksgiving!

Straight from the loving, rainbow-smeared hands of the Sisters at Radiant Farms come six sparkly cuts of sustainably raised and slaughtered unicorn meat. While Ireland isn’t so much local for us Americans, we can rest assured that there is “magic in every bite,” unlike that other bland and decidedly unmagical meat you get from a can. Or the other mythical meat that comes in a test tube.

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In this latest recipe, however, “ThinkGeek took the extraordinary step of redefining the formula to eliminate any confusion between ‘The Other White Meat’ and a mythical meat product which happened to be mostly sparkles and magic,” according to the press release.

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“We worked hard to create the perfect protein, something that would replace the traditional Thanksgiving meal, but getting enough supply of the original recipe proved… difficult,” said Ty Liotta, head of product development at ThinkGeek.

Hey, we at Grist are always on the look out for ways to spice up the traditional Thanksgiving meal. Canned Unicorn Meat is a clearly more sparklicious way than most holiday hamming the National Pork Board is squealing over. Mmm, taste that daydreamy difference!


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