Bangles and baubles may make fun stocking stuffers, but beware: the California Department of Toxic Substances Control has yanked a dozen types of kids’ jewelry from 11 retailers — including Macy’s, Marshalls, and the Gap — after finding lead levels measuring approximately in the skazillions.

“The problem is much more pervasive than we would like to be seeing,” said Department Director Maureen Gorsen. Who deserves a tiara for being Queen of the Understatement — but god knows what might be in it.