1. Ladder rip

    Who’s steamy, dreamy, and good with a well-greased pole? These South Florida firefighters, whose 2009 charity calendar showcases sustainable wood. We just hope they put out … fires, that is.

    Photo: Apollo GT

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  2. Well-suited

    Breaststroker Amanda Beard bared her bronzed bod in an anti-fur ad ahead of today’s Olympic opening ceremonies. According to her own website, “she’s not so much a dream as a fantasy come to life.” Gold medal for humility!

  3. Carried away

    Can you believe how awkward and inconvenient it is to answer “paper or plastic?” at every store? Thank god IBM has patented a card that electronically displays your preference so no talking is required. So much easier than bringing your own bag.

  4. Upload of crap

    Want to fight global warming but too lazy to change a lightbulb, bike to work, or hit the farmers market? How about sitting on your ass — can you manage that? Congratulations, you’re green!

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  5. The Socialite Party

    She may not know the state of the union or understand that there’s no booze involved in the two-party system, but in the McCain-Obama ad wars, Paris Hilton is winning by a (bleached blond) hair.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die