1. As a matter of fact, no, she can’t spare a square

    This turn of events was made for Grist Listin’: A suggestion to tear with care made Sheryl Crow the butt of many, many jokes this week. But did you hear how she wiped the smile off rapmaster Rove, tellin’ him climate change won’t do him good? Talk about a bum-rush.

    Photo: Vera Anderson / WireImage.com

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  2. Mission: Impractical

    Remember when Madonna suggested using magic Kabbalah fluid to clean up nuclear waste? Replace “Madonna” with “Tom Cruise”; “magic Kabbalah fluid” with “magic Scientology saunas”; and “clean up nuclear waste” with “detox 9/11 workers.” And yeah, the crazy pretty much stays the same.

    Photo: Jim Spellman / WireImage.com

  3. The Spinal frontier

    This is Spinal Tap: “They’re not that environmentally conscious, but they’ve heard of global warming. Nigel thought it was just because he was wearing too much clothing — that if he just took his jacket off it would be cooler.” Rock on.

  4. What the flick?

    In an effort to save energy, the Canadian government is urging Canucks to flick off. Quel scandal, eh? Opposition parties are in a flicking tizzy aboot the political potty-mouthing, but find some solace in knowing at least they can work a fax machine.

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    Photo: Andrew Norman / CNW Group

  5. The trees are planted one by one, hurrah, hurrah

    Filmmakers hope you’ll laugh for 40 days and 40 nights after seeing Steve Carell morph into Noah in Evan Almighty. And with the entire production “going zero” (even the best dolly gaffer grip boy rode a bike on set!), you’ll be flooded with self-righteousness too.

    Image: Get On Board