Italy is disavowing this.

Have you heard the term “bait and switch”? You know, when you see the words “Bates Motel” in a blog post and you THINK Downton Abbey but really Mr. Bates isn’t a hotelier at ALL? That’s kind of what Canadian convenience store Couche-Tard did to us, after choosing a name that sounds like a couch turd.

Let’s back up. Because Canada is a crazy land up in the sky (so to speak, if you’re looking at a map), they like to eat a combination of pizza and spaghetti. Naturally, their version of 7-11 thought it would be cool to combine this dynamic flavor duo in slushie form. The result is a “pizzaghetti”-flavored Sloche drink (why they can’t use normal words is beyond me).

Now, I won’t lie. Pizza and spaghetti have several things in common. They come from Italy; they’re red and beige; they make you want to take a nap; they have basically no nutritional value. Does that mean they should be combined? No. But I’m not gonna deny anyone who WANTS to combine them, because I eat Doritos Locos tacos when drunk. But the stupid and offensive part of Couche-Tard’s pizzaghetti slushie is that it doesn’t actually taste like that. Apparently it takes like STRAWBERRY KIWI. SMH.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

If you weren’t convinced yet that Canada is a bit wack-a-doo, watch this disturbing ad, in which a slice of pizza falls in love with a hairy spaghetti corn-husk doll:

We’re on record as not liking it when non-America countries outdo us in the fucked-up food department. It just leads to escalation and, eventually mutually assured destruction. But we’re kind of glad we don’t have to live in the country that invented that spaghetti homunculus.