I so wish I had been there the day a KFC exec, having spearheaded distribution of enough hideously disgusting food in his own country, said to his partners, “Hey guys! Perhaps the people of Japan would enjoy a food item comprised of ketchup-flavored rice, sandwiched by fried chicken, with some mayonnaise in it. We will call it the Kentucky Chicken Rice, and, based on the success of the KFC Double Down, which also inexplicably uses chicken for bread, I think it will be a hit.” And his boss was like, “Wow, that’s a good idea, Brian/Brandon/Brent! Japanese people love rice, and all people everywhere love fried chicken and mayonnaise sandwiches. Let’s charge five bucks for it. Job well done. When it takes off I look forward to giving you and your family a free trip to Atlantis.”

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And lo, it came to pass that the people of Japan will be able to get one of these things on Feb. 7. In the meantime, they will have to make do with their amazing and ancient cuisine, one of the finest — and healthiest — in the world.

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But seriously, we are so proud of Brian/Brandon/Brent. Here are some other ways he and his buddies might market further sandwich innovation internationally: In France, a brie-filled croissant deep-fried in goose fat between two croque-monsieurs. In Italy, an eggplant pizza sandwiched by two trays of lasagna. In Hawaii, an entire plate lunch sandwiched by two live pigs. [Ed. note: We know that Hawaii is a state; please do not email us.] When the spirit of KFC meets the diversity of world cuisine, there are no limits!