Click to embiggen

Click to embiggen.

Crisco Pokemon and television personality Guy Fieri does have a website for his restaurant Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar, famously panned in the Times for such offerings as “donkey sauce.” But for some reason, he put the website at, leaving free and clear. So internet samaritan Brian Mytko took it upon himself to register the domain for him, and populate it with Fieri’s dream menu, all the food he wishes he could serve you if it were within the bounds of medical ethics and human decency.

Before you go hailing this guy as a brilliant comedian, you should know that the jokes are mostly sourced from around Twitter. So he is more of a brilliant archiver-slash-plagiarist (he claims he didn’t know who wrote the jokes, which … is the idea that they just entered the collective unconscious somehow?). But unless you read all of Twitter, this menu includes some gags (in every sense of the word) you probably haven’t seen yet, and having them all in one place is pretty transcendent. Thank you, Twitter geniuses and joke-thief, for this dangerous glimpse into the deep well of grease and madness that is Guy Fieri and American entertainment-food culture.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.