UGH, caffeine is such a PAIN. You have to force down a steaming mug of foamy milk and espresso, or pour an entire thimbleful of 5-Hour Energy down your gullet, or break off a crisp piece of disgusting dark chocolate. It’s basically like getting your privates waxed while being chased by an army of angry demon-babies.
Thankfully, now there’s Sprayable Energy — or there will be soon, because the Indiegogo project has already been 114 percent funded. “Our revolutionary spray gives you energy through your skin without the jitters, crash, chemicals, and cost of other caffeinated products,” the project claims. Hmm, where’ve I heard THAT before?
Here’s the science behind Sprayable Energy:
Caffeine can naturally be absorbed through the skin. But it isn’t naturally very soluble. Not enough caffeine can dissolve in liquid to be effective through the skin. Our patented ‘secret sauce’ solves this.
Ooh! Is the secret sauce COFFEE?
Our breakthrough is combining caffeine with a derivative of tyrosine, a naturally produced amino acid that increases caffeine’s solubility so it can actually enter your system in an amount that counts.
Huh, OK. But DOES IT WORK? Seven minutes of testimonials want you to think so. “I don’t usually have time to go down and get a cup of coffee, because I live in the woods,” a squirrel woman says. “But this product, I can take it with me anywhere!” Unlike, you know, a thermos full o’ joe. I guess technically this spray is cheaper than a latte, as well as having no calories, sugar, odor, or color. But where’s the fun in that?