All of Yale’s squirrels have mysteriously disappeared
A tipster wrote into Gawker and alleged that Yale University has been committing squirrel genocide:
It appears that the administration paid to have all the squirrels on campus killed over the summer.
There are no squirrels left at Yale.
As students have begun to realize the genocide that has taken place, they are rising up, enraged and disgusted. Numerous student publications are racing to uncover the scandal, but so far there has been no official statement.
Not that reporters haven’t been asking, per the New York Observer:
Now, all it would take for this unsubstantiated claim to be dispelled is for Yale to simply deny the allegation — something it has yet to do.
The university has been unavailable for comment, as has the New Haven’s Parks Department (trust us, we’ve been calling).
Eventually, a Yale spokesperson did tell Gawker that the school has not “tried to reduce or manage the squirrel population on campus.” But we wouldn’t be surprised if some other school looked at this controversy and thought long and hard about its options. Squirrels know a good thing when they find one, and certainly a college campus, full of sloppy kids taking care of themselves for the first time, is a treasure trove of delicious things to eat. Still, squirrels may be annoying, but that doesn’t mean you should kill them.