Wanna save the planet — or just have an enjoyable meal at a fancy restaurant? How about hanging onto your disposable income and preventing stress? Try Not Having Kids:

“Not Having Kids is a new alternative to Having Kids that can help you achieve personal happiness,” the childfree spokesperson promises. As someone who opted into a before-market clinical trial of Not Having Kids, I can tell you from firsthand experience that it lives up to the hype. It’s prevented the insomnia and crippling financial obligations often experienced with Having Kids.

But as the ad notes, Not Having Kids isn’t a cure-all. And it’s not for everyone: “Make sure you tell your doctor if you already have kids before you try Not Having Kids,” the spokesperson warns. “Deathbed regret” is a side effect risk. And you may still have to hold, watch, and/or tolerate other people’s children (hey, no drug is perfect, right?). But at least you’ll be doing something seriously green. As Lisa Hymas wrote:

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A 2009 study by statisticians at Oregon State University found that the climate impact of having one fewer child in America is almost 20 times greater than the impact of adopting a series of eco-friendly practices for your entire lifetime, things like driving a high-mileage car, recycling, and using efficient appliances and CFLs.

So if you don’t feel like contributing to overpopulation, ask your doctor about Not Having Kids today!

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