On my way, Pepper!
TradeWinds Island ResortsOn my way, Pepper!

I KNOW your jetpack is cool. You don’t have to tell me twice. There’s nothing lamer than a superhero who gets stuck in traffic on her way to save the world. But you are KILLING TEH FISHEZ, so please stop.

I don’t care if you strap fireworks onto your feet instead or pump your water wings full of helium (but don’t do either of those, because then you could sue me when you get yourself killed). Just stop using your jetpack. The fish are trying to sleep, OK? Plus, some tropical coral is getting sucked into the propellers or whatever, and there’s nothing super about a hero who trashes coral reefs. Seriously, I looked it up.

If you are NOT a superhero and have no idea what I’m talking about, here you go:

Thrill-seekers eager to try the next new watersport are rushing to strap on jetpacks that propel people into the air with the help of pumped water. But the devices are meeting calls for regulation in Hawaii, where fishermen, scientists and state officials are questioning their safety and how they may affect fish and coral in the state’s heavily trafficked tropical waters.

A device called the Jetlev can lift a person 30 feet high by pumping water from a backpack through a hose connected to a small, unmanned boat …

But some in the Aloha State are far less enthusiastic about the machines …

University of Hawaii coral scientist Bob Richmond told officials he was concerned about the noise the devices make, as fish avoid areas that are too loud. He’s also worried fish and coral larvae could get pumped through some of the equipment the watercraft use and die.

You really do have alternatives. You can learn how to fly, or train a gentle yet exotic oversized bird to carry you, or learn to teleport. Or perhaps the fish will be so grateful for your assistance that they’ll teach you their language and make you their king — that’s a pretty cool superhero power, right? Just … no more jetpack. Sorry.