Remember the eagle who stole a video camera and made 2013’s Best Picture (knock on wood!)? Not to be outdone, a crab in Fiji has now snatched a vacationer’s camera in an attempt to show us humans how it’s done:

The audio is bad, so you can’t quite make out the crab’s narration, but I transcribed it for you:

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Crab narrator: Even on an idyllic island paradise, you cannot escape the dark vortex that is the soul, that black hole of despair from which crawls — slowly, SLOWLY — everything that terrifies you.

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Wait, what? I’m exhausted. MICRO-NAP

The film’s star returns after staring stoically at the fern-bedecked horizon, drawing ever closer like the Grim Reaper, every leg a scythe. Finally the audience’s worst fears are realized as we come face-to-belly with THE CRAB and get dragged in the dirt, no doubt to be buried alive. The last thing we see is the laughing face of a stranger, cackling wildly at our mortality. (BEWARE OF CRABS!)

While SOME may simply be tickled by a crustacean stealing a camera, you and I know we witnessed a dark rumination on the fleeting pleasures of life.

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