Chris Godfrey, design student, knows what gamers want: to play the games they got as presents on Christmas and not interact with other humans beings who are not currently also engaged in playing video games. Therefore, he created Christmas Tinner — one can containing all the processed food a person would need to achieve some approximation of eating a traditional Christmas meal. It’s like the gum in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, except hopefully it will not turn you into a sugarplum.

The Telegraph reports:

The product consists of nine layers of processed festive food, including scrambled egg and bacon, two mince pies, turkey and potatoes, gravy, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, brussel sprouts or broccoli (for those who don’t like sprouts) with stuffing, roast carrots and parsnips, and Christmas pudding.

Objections to this product: Salt content through the roof, eating home-cooked meals with extended family is sort of nice and occurs only a few times each year, what happens when the broccoli accidentally gets mixed into the Christmas pudding, why scrambled eggs??

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Praise for this product: The proportion of vegetables is encouragingly high, and the ability to make a choice on the green vegetable is kind of endearing.

Conclusion: Superior to Domino’s, which recently researched gamer behavior and found, according to the Telegraph, “gamers will do almost anything to carry on playing” and are thus willing to eat pizza tomato-sauced cardboard masquerading as food.

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