Talk about a low blow: In case you weren’t convinced that humans are just the worst, new research shows we’re not content to merely melt polar bear habitat by rollin’ coal — we are literally giving the beleaguered species a kick in the dick. The Arctic’s high concentration of chemical pollutants known as PCBs makes polar bear baculums — a.k.a. penis bones a.k.a. bear boners a.k.a. bruin bananas a.k.a. ursine upright citizens — go soft. From New Scientist:

Christian Sonne at Aarhus University, Denmark, and colleagues had previously shown that polar bears with high levels of pollutants called organohalogens in their bodies had both smaller testes and a smaller penis bone.

Sonne and his team have now shown that a particular class of organohalogens, the polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs), is associated with a less dense baculum. This could prevent successful mating, the team suggest.

Gentlemen: Before you get all high-and-mighty about how your manhood might now compare with nature’s largest land predator, consider this scenario: A male polar bear survives a treacherous open-water crossing to hit land, exhausted but elated to be alive. After a restorative omelet, he fires up TinderBear™ and finds a smitten shebear. She’s a griz — OK, that’s new — but he keeps an open mind. Forward-thinking, this polar bear. Couple drinks later, she’s there, he’s there, and … nothing. “I swear this, like, never happens.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

Congratulations, we’re all collective cockblockers now.

Reader support helps sustain our work. Donate today to keep our climate news free. All donations DOUBLED!