Everyone knows we love a good April Fools’ Day story. But in the rabbit hole of daily existence, it gets harder each year to distinguish between bizarre true stories that land on April 1 and genuine leg-pulling. Below is a sampling of some of our favorite gags from this year — plus a few legit stories. See if you can find the fakers.
1. Short is the new green: Short people take up less space and consume fewer resources. Makes sense, no?
2. Coral reefs might be dying of herpes. You think sleeping around all over the Great Barrier Reef doesn’t come without consequences?
3. Philadelphia dedicates a sidewalk lane for distracted texters. This will cut down on collisions by exactly 0 percent.
4. Tweets will shrink to 133 characters. Your social life just got abridged.
5. Xcel letter threatens to cut power to Boulder voters who favored municipalization. Wherein power companies learn to fight the power.
6. Etsy acquires the City of Portland. I think we all knew this was just a matter of time, people.
7. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel launches Freedom of Information Act requests on himself. That f#$%ing guy f#$%ing cracks me the f#$% up.
8. New toilet freezes your poop for composting later. Winter is coming (for your poop).
9. Southwest Airlines now serving TOFUnuts as an alternative to regular peanuts. Nice try, Southwest. But call us when your boarding process stops feeling like getting loaded onto a cattle car.
10. Clam chowder now available from a vending machine. And our parents were wowed by a man landing on the moon. Saps — this is progress.
11. Google’s self-driving car heads for Nascar race tracks. Word is they’ve named it Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Jr.
12. Richard Branson’s Virgin Volcanic plans to charter trips into active volcanoes. Think of it as the local take on extreme vacations for rich folk.
13. Bacon coffin can be yours for $2,999.99. Let America’s hottest pork product escort you to an early gravy. Sorry.
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